#304- Fantasia

Quick recap: 8 pieces of Western Classical music are illustrated by the Walt Disney company.

Me, after eating that whole pizza the other night

Fun (?) fact: To this day, Disney still receives complaints from parents about the ‘Night on Bald Mountain’ sequence. It was removed from the film for several years after so many people complained that it frightened young children but later brought back to teach those kids to suck it up.

I blame the large nipples

My thoughts: I made invited my seven year old to watch Fantasia with me, hoping to further cultivate a love of music like I have. I loved this movie as a kid, but then again, I’ve always had a thing for Classical. My grandmother used to listen to it often and I remember falling asleep to various pieces at night, painting pictures in my head as the music swelled around me. Alas, this bonding moment with my son was not to be because he was asking to turn it off within 5 minutes. It wasn’t a complete wash, as you will see as I break down each segment:

Toccata and Fugue in D Minor– the animation was just a bunch of abstract art, which is basically the very definition of torture for a kid. The look in his eyes as the music continued was one of betrayal, since I had promised him he would enjoy it.

Nutcracker Suite- My kid loves The Nutcracker and wanted to listen to it constantly around Christmas. He enjoyed this segment better but would’ve much rather seen the ballet than the changing of seasons. The mushrooms dancing (albeit a little racist) was pretty cute.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice– Mickey Mouse saves the day! My son thought the animation was really funny, except for the scene when he chops up the broom into little pieces.

Rite of Spring- The animation for this one started with the birth of our planet and ended with all the dinosaurs dying off. My kid has never really been into dinosaurs so he was mostly bored. I was amused watching what people in 1940 understood about our universe.

The Pastoral Symphony– The setting for this piece is Mt. Olympus. There are various centaurs, unicorns, and gods and not a nipple in sight. It was really creepy after awhile, this nipple-less world. My son thought the baby pegasus were cute but lost interest with the centaurs were hooking up. I don’t blame him.

Dance of the Hours-My son enjoyed this one as well, but didn’t understand how an alligator could lift a hippo. Buddy, you have no problem with an ostrich ballerina but an alligator and hippo dancing gives you pause? Moving on.

Night on Bald Mountain- My kid’s favorite holiday is Halloween so I thought for sure this would win him over. NOPE. Not even the screaming ghouls did the trick.

I’m sad that this movie didn’t really hold up as I remembered. On the positive side, I know what I can put on as punishment the next time my kid drives me crazy.

Final review: 2/5, although I would’ve rated it higher had I watched alone

Up next: Man of the West

#303- Faces

Quick recap: A man leaves his wife for another woman. She, in turn, picks up a younger man at a bar while out with friends. Everyone stays miserable.

There’s also a lot of uncomfortable laugh scenes.

Fun (?) fact: Considered one of Steve Buscemi’s favorite movies, an actor I love. But Faces also inspired Robert Altman, who I definitely don’t like, so I feel like these facts cancel each other out. Carry on.

What a fun party! I hope there’s some cringeworthy dancing about to go on.

My thoughts: Many times I watch a trailer and the first thing that comes to my mind is, ‘ What kind of person would watch this?’. So, as a public service I’m going to list the sort of audiences that will appreciate Faces. Feel free to watch if you:

  • liked Mad Men, but felt that it was a little too soft on women
  • love watching drunk people talking about random things and yelling loudly
  • hate the Middle Class and wishes there were more movies about how miserable everyone is
  • you love the ‘dissolved marriages’ genre ( See also: La Notte and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?)
  • you just really love random laughter, that sometimes borders on psychotic

The style of Faces was its strongest point for me. At first, it seemed like a documentary but now I think it’s more similar to a home movie. There were some really confusing scenes because there is no music, no voiceover, and no real transition from moment to moment. But it also made the film seem more real, like I was really watching these two people become more and more miserable. I also liked that this was a ‘slice of life’ film, meaning that there is no background given on either character. I’d like to say that the main character Richard Forst is a Grade A asshole, but maybe his wife Maria has her own issues. There are a few hints, however, that just show Forst is Don Draper but without charm.

The characters were all believable and many of the actors were just random  people invited to the set. All this being said, I never connected with anyone. I found myself watching two miserable people without feeling anything about either of them. When reading up on Faces, several commenters said that this movie has many layers, and maybe that’s true. But watching two sad people was enough for one viewing and I don’t feel like digging any deeper.

Final review: 2/5

Up next: Fantasia

#291- Lone Star

Quick recap: Everyone has daddy issues- a deputy, the owner of an historic bar, an officer in the Army. Practically the whole town could use some counseling.

daddy issues, both of them.

daddy issues, both of them.

Fun (?) fact: The movie playing when young Sam and Pilar are making out is Black Mama White Mama, a nod to Pilar’s secret heritage.

It's Bailey from Grey's Anatomy! She probably has daddy issues also, although it's never stated outright

It’s Bailey from Grey’s Anatomy! She probably has daddy issues also, although it’s never stated outright

My thoughts: SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED. 

I watched this movie almost a week ago and, except for the DVD skipping at the end, had a pretty uneventful time. I started writing my review the next night, as I am wont to do and as I looked up trivia, I noticed people discussing the ending and debating what happened. It was very obvious to me that the two main characters ended up together and everything was nicely tied up so what’s the controversy? That’s when I realized that the DVD skipped the exact moment Sam revealed that he and his lover Pilar were Luke and Leia-ing it up as half brother and sister. And in the end decided ‘screw it!’ and stayed together. The lesson of this tale is that maybe it’s time for the DVD to die out. It makes me wonder how many critical scenes I have missed in the past due to a scratched disc.

So, weird French Film twist ending aside the movie was just ‘meh’ for me. The bulk of Lone Star is about Sam coming to terms with who his father, a police officer, really was. The town saw him as a saint but Sam only knew him as a person he clashed with in his teenage years and didn’t feel close to. There is one scene when young Sam and Pilar are at a drive-in and the police break into the car and separate the two of them. Grownup Sam uses this scene as a way to show how strict his father was, but knowing the ending that they are actually siblings, totally makes sense why he wouldn’t want them together. And then there’s this mystery about an evil, racist deputy that goes missing and Sam thinks his father may have killed him, which would prove he wasn’t such a good guy after all. But really, that proves nothing because the deputy in question murdered a lot of innocent people and needed to be stopped.

There were all these other characters in the town that had their own issues with family and everyone is of course connected somehow in the end. Most of the time I felt like I was watching a television season than a movie. Maybe that would’ve been a better format for this story because it just dragged on and on at times. There were a few revelations that I would label shocking, but I could see them rolled out as a season finale or something, not all thrown into one heap.

Final review: 2/5

Up next: The Graduate

 

 

#287- Diner

Quick recap: A group of friends from high school learn to navigate the trials and tribulations of their early 20s at-you guessed it- a diner.

Kevin Bacon is peak Kevin Bacon

Kevin Bacon is peak Kevin Bacon

Fun (?) fact: As I learned from this article, Judd Apatow was directly influenced by Diner. He said that every scene in his movies where people are sitting around talking about sex, come from the dialogue from this movie.

Hear me out- young Mickey Rourke reminds me of Bruce Willis, but with hair. They even sound alike.

Hear me out- young Mickey Rourke reminds me of Bruce Willis, but with hair. They even sound alike.

My thoughts: I know it will come as a shock to many, but I was never actually a college age male in 1950s Baltimore. I’m really glad to get that out of the way. Despite this handicap, I still expected to enjoy Diner, even if I couldn’t personally relate to it. I mean, what else could you possibly need in your life besides a young Kevin Bacon?

Plenty more, apparently, because I just didn’t care for this movie all that much. It’s one thing to have a movie about ‘nothing’, but it’s another thing to have a whole bunch of ‘nothings’ make you think you are about to get ‘something’, when in fact everything will happen exactly like you predicted in the beginning: the wedding will go on, a young man with a gambling problem will not be taken out by the mob, and the young couple will fall back in love, exactly where they started.  ‘But!’, you say. ‘What about the journey? The self-actualization? The maturity?’. Yes, the friends grew up and learned to live in their situation but they never actually came to terms with anything, except the value of resignation. I imagine a sequel where everyone meets up in 10 years, probably in the same diner, and everyone sits around complaining about the same issues they’ve always had. I wasn’t expecting some twist or even closure, but don’t hand me a sappy ending when you know full well that when the camera stops, everything continues as it always has been.

Final review: 2/5. The point is for Kevin Bacon.

Up next: The Night of the Shooting Stars