#377- The Ten Commandments

Quick recap: This movie is basically the story of Moses you remember from church, except with some love subplots thrown in for fun.

Except for this movie because it takes place in the Old Testament

Fun (?) fact: The special effects for this film were groundbreaking for their time, even though they look quite silly today. My favorite special effect is the hail that was actually popcorn painted white.

The parting of the Red Sea always made me sad as a kid because I imagined the fish were freaking out

Mary’s Ten Commandments for the film Ten Commandments:

  1. When casting for a film about the Middle East, thou shalt cast as many white people as thou can.

2. Thou shall not lust after Moses but Ramses II instead, as his is shirtless throughout the entire film.

3. Although the movie is almost 4 hours long, thou must only show 3 of the 10 plagues, and when showing the                plagues thou shalt make the blood as close to the consistency of Kool-Aid as possible.

4. In place of the other 7 plagues, thou shalt stuff as ridiculous a love plot as thou can cometh up with.

5. Thou shalt also record a message of director Cecil B. de Mille justifying said love plot because of research,                 not because of monetary reasons.

6. Thou shalt include a score that I will hum incessantly for all of time.

***side note**** My band in high school did a mash up show of music from the Ten Commandments and the Prince of Egypt. I haven’t touched a French Horn in years but I still remember most of the fingerings.

7. Charleton Heston must keep the same tone throughout the film, whether he is wooing a girl or condemning                the Tribes.

8. Thou shalt spend 3 weeks filming the orgy scene at the end of the film so as to teach what not to do. Or                      something  like that.

9. Thou shalt show the back breaking work of the slaves but also make me really want to stomp in mud and straw          for a little bit.

10. Thou shalt murder as freely as thou like as long as you are God and/if you are murdering an Egyptian.

Final review: 4/5. I was able to watch this film in its entirety with little to no boredom. The story was familiar but it has been awhile since I’ve heard it so the plot kept me on my toes. The plagues were gruesome enough and although the special effects were cheesy, this was the 50s and everyone tried their best.

Up next: Rain Man

 

 

 

 

#374- Toy Story

Quick recap: A space ranger and a cowboy find out they can be friends despite their differences.

credit: Sushio

Fun (?) fact: The carpet in Sid’s house has the same design as the carpet from the Overlook Hotel in the Shining

My thoughts and observations (in no particular order):

  • I almost wish I hadn’t watched Toy Story 4 a few nights before viewing the original because one can’t exist without the other. Would Toy Story be as great if it was a stand alone film?
  • I remember freaking out about the details when I watched the original in theaters many years ago. The scuff marks on the door! The texture of Rex the Dinosaur! Even now, the digital graphics are impressive.
  • …….Except for the humans. All of them are frightening, especially Andy. Pixar would’ve been better off doing a Headless Nanny thing, a la Muppet Babies.

  • Something else that doesn’t hold up? The music. On one hand, I’m glad no one burst into song but on the other hand, did we really have to go with Randy Newman? He sounds like a parody of himself.
  • I still want to go to Pizza Planet. There’s a version of the restaurant at Walt Disney World but it’s not the same by a long shot

Final review: 3/5. I think this number would’ve been higher had there not been the sequels to carry out the story further. This is the origin and it does it’s job setting up the characters but it’s just not as funny as the other movies and doesn’t showcase all that Pixar is capable of.

Up next: The Ear

 

#366- Tabu: A Story of the South Pacific

Quick recap: Matahi and Reri are lovers who live in paradise. Everything is perfect, except for the fact that Reri has been chosen as a Forever Virgin as sacrifice to the gods. Oops.

Finally sinking in how messed up this whole thing is

Fun (?) fact: I assumed ‘Tabu’ to either be a lost island in the South Pacific, or some very complicated ritual a select group of natives followed. Turns out, it literally means ‘taboo’, as in, Reri becomes off-limits, or tabu, to other men. What a let down.

look at that………scenery!

 

My thoughts: Do you remember when you first discovered National Geographic magazine? You were probably in 5th grade or maybe middle school and the first time you opened one up you told yourself it was just for the articles since you wanted to be an archeologist after all. But inevitably there was always, ALWAYS some photo shoot about an Amazonian tribe who had never heard of the concept of clothes and that, unfortunately, would be the exact second your teacher chose to walk by. That, my friends, is how this movie felt to watch. I tried my best to pay attention to the plot as best as I could but like that very first National Geographic photo spread many years ago, the tribe….aesthetic…..was hard to ignore.

Despite this movie being made in 1931, it’s not the worst when it comes to representing an indigenous tribe. Director FW Murnau filmed in the South Pacific and hired mostly locals. The beginning of Tabu is about as stereotypical as you can get with youths running around naked and just enjoying nature. But at the same time, it just didn’t feel exploitative . It surprised me how a silent film about a non-white group of people could come off as so humane. For example, there is a huge feast for Reri before she heads out to be a Forever Virgin (meaning no man can ever look or touch her again) and of course the girl is absolutely devastated. I loved how fed up the elder was that he had to deal with such drama, but it felt realistic. And so did Reri and Matahi’s relationship. They really seemed to care for each other, even though both were super näive when it came to being an adult.

As I went over the basic facts with my nine year old the next morning, as I sometimes do, I realized that this is actually a very tragic film. Almost 90 year old spoiler alert: Matahi and Reri run away to a different island only to be tracked down by the elder rather quickly. He threatens to kill Matahi if the girl doesn’t give in to her fate and she finally agrees because she loves him so much. Matahi refuses to give up however and follows her ship as far as he can until he finally succumbs to exhaustion and drowns. So basically the movies ends on a downer, except for the gods, who finally got their Forever Virgin.

Final review: 3/5. The nudity is pretty good too.

Up next: Cairo Station

#365- The Jungle Book

Quick recap: Mowgli wants to continue living in the jungle even though literally every animal either hates his very essence or just wants to eat him.

Did you know there is fan fiction where Baloo Bagheera Gay Dad it Up and raise Mowgli together? Because I did not.

Fun (?) fact: According to Rudyard Kipling’s daughter, we should be pronouncing Mowgli as if the first syllable rhymes with ‘cow’. She reportedly never forgave Disney for messing this up.

Me around any responsibilities

My thoughts:  My usual strategy with a cartoon is to invite my nine year old to watch it with me and get his ‘hot take’ on things (as the kids say). This worked perfectly with A Night at the Opera ….and that’s about it. He stayed for about 15 minutes, got bored and went to go play on his phone. When asked later on if there was any wisdom he wanted to impart from the little bit he did watch, my son rolled his eyes deeply and replied, ‘It was horrible. Just horrible.’

I, on the other hand, quite enjoyed The Jungle Book. I thought the animation was really pretty and I’m a sucker for animals. Even more enjoyable, I was quite pleased to find out that this movie isn’t as racist as I remembered it to be. As an example, Louis Armstrong was originally chosen to play the orangutan King Louie but was cut because Disney didn’t want him to be likened to an ape, the racist stereotype. How progressive! But really, this just felt like a sweet story about a little boy growing up. A timeless tale, if you will. There was a wide range of genres of music from scatting to a barbershop quartet that made the movie seem more fun than I remember as a kid. I found myself humming along to several tunes days later, a sign that I’m hooked.

I’m always surprised when I rewatch a childhood film to find that I now identify with an entirely different character than I used to and I no longer fear the villain. This time around, it made total sense why Bagheera wanted Mowgli back in the village and how totally wrong Baloo was for the boy. As a kid, Baloo just looked fun and sweet but considering he let Mowgli get kidnapped by monkeys in the middle of their first song together, maybe he wasn’t the best choice. Then again, Bagheera almost let Kaa the snake eat him so he’s not entirely blameless. As for Shere Khan, who absolutely scared me as a kid, now I see him as just a tiger who needs to eat and who is rightfully scared of fire. Adulthood may have less imagination but it sure brings about some good logic.

Final review: 4/5

Up next: Tabu