#379- Nosferatu the Vampyre

Quick recap: One of eight vampire films to come out in 1979, this one is a faithful retelling of the original Nosferatu.

Of course Dracula porn was a thing!

Fun (?) fact: Klaus Kinski, who played the title character, was apparently a big baby on set. His constant tantrums made him extremely difficult to work with, although Warner Herzog learned to use them to his advantage. Klinski wanted a more ‘excitable’ vampire, but Herzog disagreed. When Klinski wouldn’t budge on his opinion, Herzog made sure to goad him into a tantrum right before filming so that he would act subdued later on.

Thoughts and Observations:

Vampires can be creepy, weird, and yes even a little sexy, but they are definitely not scary.E specially with those pointy teeth and untrimmed fingernails this dude has going for him in this version. There were times during Nosferatu when I was definitely creeped out, like when the ship arrived at its destination and the villagers were met with a ton of rats and dead bodies. But the uneasiness never morphed into fear for me, though. Nosferatu seems like such an old-fashioned kind of monster, from a time when medicine was basically useless. That’s not to say that this film doesn’t have merit, though. I really enjoyed the time spent on the build up and the unease at what might be lurking around the corner. The end was especially enjoyable as the whole town came apart and basically just waited on their turn to die. The villagers dancing in the streets surrounded by coffins was wonderfully macabre. I don’t know the real story well enough to judge this adaptation so I was surprised when Dracula had been killed, only to realize a new vampire had risen and Lucy’s sacrifice was for nothing. A bleak ending always gets me into the Halloween spirit.

  • Renfield was my favorite character by far. He was so creepy and unhinged, like when he carried around a box of flies and kept trying to eat them. That was much scarier to me than the vampire because Renfield was so unpredictable.
  • I’m not afraid of rats and mice but a whole army of them disembarking from the ship to spread terror was so creepy. I would love to see a movie about the ship’s journey, as Nosferatu and his band of rats slowly take control of the crew.
  • The ghost boy playing the violin at the castle was anything but scary, however. As Jonathon Harker lays in pain from falling out of the tower window, this jerk kid stands by him and practices the violin. I didn’t realize he was a ghost at the time so the whole thing was just hilarious.

Final review: 4/5. Mysterious yes, scary no.

Up next: HorrorFest continues!

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#378- Rain Man

Quick recap: A selfish jerk kidnaps his disabled brother for money.

Fun (?) fact: It is in fact true that Qantas airlines has never had a commercial flight crash from 1921-today.

 

Thoughts and observations:

  • Director Barry Levinson did a great job painting Charlie (Tom Cruise) as the worst human being alive because I still believed it at the end of the film. He has to dress like that AND sale rare cars? You’ve gone too far, Levinson.

  • I was never able to fully appreciate Charlie and Raymond’s relationship mainly because it began when one brother kidnapped the other. I don’t care how many juice boxes you give, you can’t come back from that.
  • I’ll go ahead and skip to the ending to point out that ‘ I no longer yell at my disabled brother’ is NOT growth.
  • Why did this movie annoy me so much? I think it’s because Charlie tried to make the case that the group home was an inappropriate choice for Raymond with little to no facts. He barged in and assumed he could do a better job even though he had never heard of the term ‘autism’ before. He might have sweet memories of his brother when the two were younger but that doesn’t mean you will be a better caretaker.
  • And no, Charlie, using your brother to win money is not funny or a great bonding moment.
  • I’m not really sure what the lesson was here. Be nice to the Autistic because they may be worth a lot of money? No, you can’t keep your Autistic brother as a pet?
  • Dustin Hoffman did a phenomenal job so I won’t give this movie one star, even though I’d really like to. I think it goes hand in hand with my distaste for Inspiration Porn. The disabled do not exist as a way for you to feel good about yourself. They are not brave or strong. They are real people with real struggles and deserve human dignity. That’ what Rain Man felt like, one long Good Morning America segment about a brother being just a little less of a jerk to his brother with Autism.

Final review: 2/5 only because of Dustin Hoffman

Up next: The Last Picture Show

#377- The Ten Commandments

Quick recap: This movie is basically the story of Moses you remember from church, except with some love subplots thrown in for fun.

Except for this movie because it takes place in the Old Testament

Fun (?) fact: The special effects for this film were groundbreaking for their time, even though they look quite silly today. My favorite special effect is the hail that was actually popcorn painted white.

The parting of the Red Sea always made me sad as a kid because I imagined the fish were freaking out

Mary’s Ten Commandments for the film Ten Commandments:

  1. When casting for a film about the Middle East, thou shalt cast as many white people as thou can.

2. Thou shall not lust after Moses but Ramses II instead, as his is shirtless throughout the entire film.

3. Although the movie is almost 4 hours long, thou must only show 3 of the 10 plagues, and when showing the                plagues thou shalt make the blood as close to the consistency of Kool-Aid as possible.

4. In place of the other 7 plagues, thou shalt stuff as ridiculous a love plot as thou can cometh up with.

5. Thou shalt also record a message of director Cecil B. de Mille justifying said love plot because of research,                 not because of monetary reasons.

6. Thou shalt include a score that I will hum incessantly for all of time.

***side note**** My band in high school did a mash up show of music from the Ten Commandments and the Prince of Egypt. I haven’t touched a French Horn in years but I still remember most of the fingerings.

7. Charleton Heston must keep the same tone throughout the film, whether he is wooing a girl or condemning                the Tribes.

8. Thou shalt spend 3 weeks filming the orgy scene at the end of the film so as to teach what not to do. Or                      something  like that.

9. Thou shalt show the back breaking work of the slaves but also make me really want to stomp in mud and straw          for a little bit.

10. Thou shalt murder as freely as thou like as long as you are God and/if you are murdering an Egyptian.

Final review: 4/5. I was able to watch this film in its entirety with little to no boredom. The story was familiar but it has been awhile since I’ve heard it so the plot kept me on my toes. The plagues were gruesome enough and although the special effects were cheesy, this was the 50s and everyone tried their best.

Up next: Rain Man

 

 

 

 

#376- Earth

Quick recap: A group of farmers get together to buy a tractor, which makes the landowners angry and then BOOM! Communism is formed.

Sunflowers are the gateway flower to other governments

Fun (?) fact: There’s a deleted scene where the villagers all gather and pee on the engine of the overheated tractor. It’s supposed to represent communism of course, but people thought the symbolism was a little heavy-handed.

Why yes, I do in fact have the score from Fiddler on the Roof stuck in my head now

Thoughts and Observations:

  • From what I can gather, the issue at hand is that these kulaks (landowners) realize that if they work together and share, they can be much more profitable. The other landowners decide against it and then get angry when collectivism works. Point: Communism
  • But I think at one point the villagers knocked down the resistant landowners’ fences, which just isn’t very nice. Point: Capitalism 
  • The landowners retaliate by having one of them murder the guy who bought the tractor. Point: Communism
  • The guy that was murdered was named Basil and he did this REALLY elaborate dance to show it to the angry landowners. Point: Capitalism
  • Basil’s father announces he is Atheist because of the murder and denies the priest the opportunity to officiate the funeral. Instead the villagers will sing songs about farm life and working. Point: Capitalism because that sounds boring as hell
  • The movie was very confusing because even the happy scenes were filled with ominous, angry music, like when the villagers used the tractor. I spent about 10 minutes thinking the tractor was evil because of the sound cues. Point: Capitalism, I guess.

Was title said in film?

Probably. The movie is silent with only a few cue cards so I’m sure it was muttered at some point, considering they are working the earth.

Final review: 2/5  capitalism wins again! But only slightly because if Communism had peppier music, I would’ve been all in.

Up next: The Ten Commandments