#277- Nosferatu

Quick recap: Nosferatu is just a vampire doing vampire things.

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‘the death ship had a new captain’- If that’s not the most emo title for a song, I don’t know what is

Fun (?) fact: The creature the guests at the inn called a werewolf was actually a hyena. I knew it! Also, I have many questions as to how it was easier to get a hyena than a wolf.

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You’re a vampire, buddy. Stop being a creeper and go bite that neck.

My thoughts: Welcome to Horrorfest 2016, where I watch only horror films from my list. I saw Funny Games a few years ago during this time so I don’t think I’ll be traumatized much this year, but you never know. Nosferatu wasn’t scary unfortunately, but it’s such a classic that I didn’t really mind.

I got a chance to watch Nosferatu at the Drafthouse with a live band that wrote an original score. Yes, it was as badass as you imagine it could be. I’ve had the pleasure of watching a few silent films at the theater now, and each time it makes me wish I could watch all films this way. Sitting on my couch, even with the lights off, wouldn’t have made Nosferatu creepy but when there is a haunting score mixed with other-worldly whispering, it really turned the mood into something more sinister.

Nosferatu as a character didn’t scare me in the slightest. In fact, I kind of felt sorry for him because he was so weird looking. His teeth reminded me more of a rabbit than vampire and the way he moved just made him seem like an old guy with really poor social skills, especially the scene of him running around town with his coffin full of dirt. It was then that he seemed more scamp than menacing vampire.

The concept of Nosferatu,rather than the character Nosferatustuck with me long after the movie was over. There was something so haunting about evil moving into a town that had no idea what was about to happen and powerless to stop it. It reminded me a little of the recent Ebola outbreaks in villages and how neighbors just had to sit back and watch as death consumed the people they loved. This may be a vampire story, but the idea sure isn’t.

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Final review: 4/5. Next time, less bunny teeth and I’ll be more scared.

Up next: more Horrorfest!

 

#214- The Vanishing

Quick recap: A young man and woman, Rex and Saskia, go on vacation together, when Saskia disappears. If that wasn’t bad enough, he starts getting letters from her abductor, driving him to the brink of insanity.

Whatcha thinking about? Oh, I don't know. Murdering stuff, I guess.

Whatcha thinking about?
Oh, I don’t know. Murdering stuff, I guess.

Fun (?) fact: The story is based off of an urban legend where a mother and daughter check into a hotel for the Paris Exposition of 1901. The daughter goes downstairs to a shop and when she returns to the room, her mother is missing and no one she asks knows anything. If this sounds familiar, it’s also been the basis for at least 5 other films.

Honestly, being stuck inside this tunnel is the scariest part of this film

Honestly, being stuck inside this tunnel is the scariest part of this film

My thoughts: Now that Horrorfest has come to a close, I realize that my theme this year was actually, ‘horror movies that aren’t’. The Vanishing fits perfectly in the mystery and thriller section, but I just don’t see how horror comes up. The concept of someone vanishing is scary, but not in a ‘can’t turn off the lights’ sort of scary. I really enjoyed this movie, but I’m disappointed to have ended the month without seeing very many horror films.

I’m going to skip through all of my usual stuff about the acting, music, dialogue and what-not to say that the reason to watch this film is for the ending. Spoiler alert now, although this film is from 1988 so if you don’t want to be spoiled about 30 year old movies, the internet isn’t the place for you. Anyway, most of the film goes in the direction I expected it to: girl vanishes, guy looks for her to the point of insanity. What I liked was that interspersed in that plot is the abductor’s story. He’s a totally normal guy, with a family, a job as a professor, and a hobby for attempting to abduct and murder young woman. Perfectly normal. He describes himself as a sociopath, which is thrown around a lot in these films, but really applies to this guy. Sociopaths can still be functioning members of society and many of them aren’t murderous insane people, but they lack empathy, which brings its own set of problems. Raymond, the abductor, isn’t your typical villain because he sees the abduction as an experiment of sorts. I can’t figure out if that makes him scarier or less scarier, but it’s definitely creepy. When he finally meets Rex, he has no problem telling him the story, thus admitting his involvement. It’s not like he is bragging, but at the same time, he seems proud of himself for finally getting the details right and going through the abduction.

The scenes with Rex and Raymond in the car are deeply unsettling. Still not in horror territory, but still unnerving. It’s 3 years later and Rex, as mentioned before, can barely function doing anything else besides looking for Saskia. When Raymond offers him the opportunity to find out what became of her, he turns it down at first because it involves taking a sleeping pill and going unconscious. The decision is really difficult: take the pill and find out what happens and risk dying yourself, or never finding out and continue a life that isn’t worth much anymore. So, he takes the pill and then the next scene is of Rex trapped in a coffin, while Raymond covers him with dirt. It wasn’t unexpected because there is no way Saskia could still be alive, yet I still hoped there would be some sort of twist and everything would be ok. And I guess it is a happy ending, because Rex, although dead, found out what happened, and Raymond has the pleasure of having killed two people. The final scene is of him sitting serenely outside, watching his children play and his wife water the bushes where his victims are buried.

Final review: 4/5 A solid movie but not horror.

Up next: Juliet of the Spirits

#213- The Bird with the Crystal Plumage

Quick recap: A man witnesses a woman being stabbed and observes something ‘off’ about the assault. He takes it upon himself to solve the case, all the while trying to remember the one detail that will solve everything.

*SPOILER ALERT* It wasn't the bird

*SPOILER ALERT* It wasn’t the bird

Fun (?) fact: There is no such thing as a bird with crystal plumage. Playing the part in the movie is your common household Grey Crowned Crane.

A woman is being stabbed! Now is not the time for your mime routine, Sam.

A woman is being stabbed! Now is not the time for your mime routine, Sam.

My thoughts: Although this movie is listed as horror, it’s really more of a thriller. There’s nothing supernatural or paranormal- just some person killing a lot of people. In that respect, I guess Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer and Silence of the Lambs aren’t really horror movies, either, but they have more frightening moments than this one. Bird with the Crystal Plumage starts with a person in a black trench coat taking pictures of women. A little creepy, I guess. And then a few moments later the main character, Sam, sees what he thinks is a woman being stabbed. She writhes on the floor covered in blood, and because it’s an art gallery where the doors are pieces of art and can’t open, Sam can’t do anything about it. When the police come, they question him because it’s all really suspicious. It is then revealed that the city has a serial killer and this is one of the victims. At that point, the movie no longer became scary and actually not even interesting because I figured out the ending way before I was supposed to. Suck it, Encyclopedia Brown!

As is usually the case, it was the minor details of the movie that ultimately ruined it for me. It made sense that the police questioned Sam extensively and even took away his passport because he was a valuable witness. It did not make sense, however, to let him take a tour of the forensic lab and give him a how to on evidence. Nor did it make sense to give him details and photographs of the case and expensive equipment just in case the killer called him. I don’t watch many crime shows so maybe this is a thing, but I imagine that it’s generally not a good idea to make your star witness also a detective.

Regarding the serial killer, it turns out that it was the woman Sam saw getting stabbed that night. What really happened, is that she was trying to stab her husband, as serial killers are wont to do, and somehow stabbed herself? That part wasn’t very clear. If so, she kind of sucked at her job. Her husband also helped kill people or something, but some scientist guy explained at the end that he was under some psychosis and didn’t do it on purpose. And not to be sexist, but once I realized that the killer was a woman, I stopped being even a little frightened. Her laugh at the end was supposed to be scary but it came off as annoying. Seriously, focus on stabbing and stop laughing about it and MAYBE you would have a higher body count. It really shouldn’t be that difficult. As for how the bird fits into all of this, Sam’s friend is some bird scientist and heard a bird sound when the killer called him. He really built up the whole thing, saying it was a very rare species only found in one part of the world, but that there was one in Italy. ‘Where??’, everyone wondered out loud and after a dramatic pause, the man said, ‘the zoo!’, and everyone rushed off excitedly. Sometimes it makes you wonder where the line is that separates ‘good’ movies from those perfect for Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Final review: 1/5. I could see it as a midnight showing with a small cult following, but that’s about it.

Up next: the final film for Horrorfest

#212- Suspiria

Quick recap: A young woman joins a prestigious ballet academy and realizes she should have done some research first about all of those murders.

With a place as red as this, you'd be crazy NOT to do all of your murdering here

With a place as red as this, you’d be crazy NOT to do all of your murdering here

Fun (?) fact: The director’s original idea was for the ballet academy to host little girls, but when he noticed the horrified looks on the crews’ faces, he decided to change the characters to women. Not wanting to exert any extra effort because let’s face it, writing in all of those murders takes a huge chunk of your time, the director kept all of the dialogue as is.

death by barbed wire, totally appropriate for little girls!

death by barbed wire, totally appropriate for little girls!

My thoughts: On my ever-changing, wildly biased and sometimes inaccurate list of monsters that scare me, witches tend to rank at the bottom. With the exception of the Blair Witch Project, witches seem more cool to me than scary. Not saying I advocate murder, but I like the idea of being able to cast whatever spells I want and get people to do my bidding. And if you know me, you know I have TONS of bidding that needs to be done. The witches in Suspiria (SPOILER ALERT: They are witches) fall more in the ‘scary’ spectrum than ‘not scary’, but I’m still not convinced I should be fearing for my life.

If you are someone who loves gory stuff, Suspiria is perfect for that sort of thing. There are many wonderfully bloody deaths from the get-go, which kept the plot interesting but didn’t really freak me out. The manner of deaths were also creative, which gave the witches a chance to show off. What impressed me about the film was that it was the little details that stuck with me, such as the creepy little boy and the maggots raining on all of the girls’ heads (that part wasn’t so little, I suppose). The color in the movie was also very off-putting. It reminded me of an old technicolor movie, but more vivid hues and less eye sores. Of everything mentioned though, it was the musical score that creeped me out the most. It’s hard to describe, but it totally sounds like a horror movie soundtrack. The director apparently played the score while filming and it even creeped out the actors.

The one drawback to the film is the acting. As mentioned before, the director didn’t feel like editing the script after changing the characters, so the dialogue seems weirdly childish. It didn’t bother me too much, but it also meant that I wasn’t very invested in the characters. I won’t give away the ending, but when Suzy figures out the academy’s secret purpose, I realized that I didn’t really care one way or another if she lived or died. There was never any background on her and it just seemed like if they didn’t kill her, it would be some other unlucky ballerina. On the other hand, the witches killing whomever they liked made the movie slightly scarier than if they just targeted her.

Final review: 4/5. Worth watching if you love horror movies

Up next: HorrorFest!