Quick recap: This movie is basically the story of Moses you remember from church, except with some love subplots thrown in for fun.
Fun (?) fact: The special effects for this film were groundbreaking for their time, even though they look quite silly today. My favorite special effect is the hail that was actually popcorn painted white.
Mary’s Ten Commandments for the film Ten Commandments:
- When casting for a film about the Middle East, thou shalt cast as many white people as thou can.
2. Thou shall not lust after Moses but Ramses II instead, as his is shirtless throughout the entire film.
3. Although the movie is almost 4 hours long, thou must only show 3 of the 10 plagues, and when showing the plagues thou shalt make the blood as close to the consistency of Kool-Aid as possible.
4. In place of the other 7 plagues, thou shalt stuff as ridiculous a love plot as thou can cometh up with.
5. Thou shalt also record a message of director Cecil B. de Mille justifying said love plot because of research, not because of monetary reasons.
6. Thou shalt include a score that I will hum incessantly for all of time.
***side note**** My band in high school did a mash up show of music from the Ten Commandments and the Prince of Egypt. I haven’t touched a French Horn in years but I still remember most of the fingerings.
7. Charleton Heston must keep the same tone throughout the film, whether he is wooing a girl or condemning the Tribes.
8. Thou shalt spend 3 weeks filming the orgy scene at the end of the film so as to teach what not to do. Or something like that.
9. Thou shalt show the back breaking work of the slaves but also make me really want to stomp in mud and straw for a little bit.
10. Thou shalt murder as freely as thou like as long as you are God and/if you are murdering an Egyptian.
Final review: 4/5. I was able to watch this film in its entirety with little to no boredom. The story was familiar but it has been awhile since I’ve heard it so the plot kept me on my toes. The plagues were gruesome enough and although the special effects were cheesy, this was the 50s and everyone tried their best.
Up next: Rain Man