#99- The Bigamist

Quick recap: A man is married to two women at the same time and of course, neither of them know of the other. Do zany hijinks ensue??? No.

Fun (?) fact: This movie was rather devoid of ‘fun’ facts, unless you count Jack Benny’s real house being in the movie. I certainly don’t and I’m silently judging those of you that do.

Jack Benny is suspicious of the fact being labeled ‘fun’

My thoughts: With a title as straightforward as this one, I was expecting something a little more lighthearted, like ‘Oh, that bigamist! Will he ever learn?’ And then one of the women turns to the camera and does a cute shrug of her shoulders and everyone laughs. What The Bigamist ended up being was almost opposite, bordering on melodrama. The story starts with a couple-Harry and Eve Graham- trying to adopt a child since Eve can’t conceive on her own. Mr. Jordan, the adoption coordinator, has the two sign a form consenting to a full background check. Eve happily signs hers while you can almost see the sweat poring out of Harry. Two minutes into the movie and I already know who The Bigamist is! I’m grateful to watch a film that gets right to the point, although I wonder how it would’ve played to keep it a secret like trying to figure out who the murderer is. Is it the postman? Is it the waiter? Is it the guy with shifty eyes, sweat poring out of every orifice?

I was a little surprised by the sensitivity shown to all characters involved, especially considering that no one is really painted as the bad guy. Eve is unable to conceive a child of her own and tries to make up for it by being the perfect wife and business partner to Harry. Harry is the overworked husband, commuting constantly from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Feeling very lonely, he strikes up a relationship with another woman that eventually leads to her getting knocked up. As bad as that sounds, once Harry realizes that Phyllis is pregnant (which would have been near impossible for me to understand. The word ‘pregnancy’ is never mentioned. Instead we see Phyllis lying in bed, her stomach completely hidden by a comforter) he asks her to marry him to make things right. Phyllis is also a victim in the situation. She spends the entire movie trying to prove that she doesn’t need anyone and then when she finally admits to needing Harry, he gets arrested for bigamy. Seeing as how this movie was made in the early 50s, I was expecting a lot more woman blaming, but in the end, Harry owned up to everything.

As for the bigamy thing, I’m a little conflicted about who it really hurt. Harry spends most of the movie moaning about how hard it was to keep the secret of two families, but he never really goes into what it’s like to have two wives. Both women seem happy with the situation and both are well cared for. But bigamy is against the law and it was only a matter of time before everything blew up. Is bigamy still a thing? I would imagine that it would be much harder to pull something off these days, what with the Twitters, Facebooks and digital records. The final courtroom scene I felt did a great job summarizing the issue. If Harry had just kept Phyllis as a mistress, no one would’ve really cared. But the fact that he tried to make an ‘honest woman’ out of her is what did him in. It seemed like both women really loved him, but how could they continue?

Dan Savage would probably say DTMFA, or maybe everyone should just go poly!

FInal review: 4/5. Dramatic, but not overly so.

Up next: #100.

#98- Babe

Quick recap: A pig who thinks he is a sheepdog? NO! Wait…..Yes. Very much so.

There’s no rule that says a giraffe can’t play football

Fun (?) fact: 48 different pigs were used during the filing of Babe. No word on what happened to a pig once it grew up.

My thoughts: Perspective, man. It’s all about perspective. I loved this movie as a kid and even then thought it much wittier than some of the other kid stuff being thrown at me. It wasn’t just a cute animal movie I was watching- it had heart. I don’t remember being too upset by the implications that Babe was about to be eaten, but the lesson that everyone and everything has a purpose has stuck with me. It’s probably been a good 15 years or so since I last watched the movie and it still amazes me how my viewpoint can change so drastically.

The toupee was a weird touch

The animal I most empathized with and felt for this time around was Fly, the female sheepdog. Granted, the movie is called Babe so it’s not my fault for not really noticing her before, but almost every scene she is in is a heartbreaking one: from watching her puppies being sold to the domestic violence with her Dog Husband (This is a kids’ movie?!) to the most heartbreaking scene of all: watching Babe being led to the slaughter. It was almost too much to watch at that point, knowing that that pig was all she had left and he was about to murdered by the farmer. Animals are way more complicated than I ever imagined.

I also really enjoyed the actors this time and was able to appreciate their depth. Farmer Hoggett’s character interested me especially. James Cromwell, who played Hoggett, originally took the part because he only had a few lines of dialogue and felt like it would be an easy movie,but then ended up on screen more than any other character (except Babe). He did a perfect job restraining his emotions, yet being able to convey exactly how he felt at all times.

That’ll do pig, that’ll do.

Final review: 5/5. It’s a great family film, but maybe for older kids because the subject matter is much heavier than I remembered.

Up next: The Bigamist and then……….#100! What’ll it be??

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#97- L’Age d’or

Quick recap: A man and woman want to get it on but keep getting interrupted by the church, society and family. LAME.

ruins the mood a little

Fun (?) fact: Director Luis Buñuel and Salvador Dalí were good friends but had a falling out before the movie was set to start filming. The first day on the set Buñuel chased Dalí off the premises with a hammer.

My thoughts: I don’t even know. L’Age d’or begins with a documentary about scorpions and ends with an orgy with Jesus so……. basically, it’s your typical French film. I started out somewhat interested, especially when it came to the scorpions. I have severe arachnophobia and I was just thinking to myself last night how nice it would be to have a new fear and what better than another arachnid?? But then the scene changed to a bunch of soldiers who are fighting some religious guys and I was a little confused, but figured I would catch on as the film went on. And then in the next scene the religious guys were skeletons and a man and woman were trying to have sex in public and at that point I threw my hands in the air and just went with it.

The problem I had with L’Age d’or is not that it was all symbolic, but that it was symbolism I had never seen before. At this point, I’m just going to assume everything I watched was a reference to sex in some way. On the positive side, I learned a whole new crop of euphemisms for sexual repression: ‘kicking the violin down the street’, ‘cow in the bed’, ‘slap an old woman’, and my personal favorite- ‘ murder a child for no reason’. Fun times, I’m telling you.

No, really.

So, did the man and woman ever hook up?? I don’t know, kind of? At one point they were making out while a symphony played a few feet away and then they had each other’s hand in the other’s mouth, so I guess that counts as second base? The woman starts fellating a statue’s toe a little later on so I assume she wasn’t satisfied. At the end of the film, the two lovers are holding each other and having pillow talk- discussing how sleepy they are and how nice it is to murder children. And then the next scene the guy has blood all over his face. Luckily, I had checked out way before this scene came on and I wasn’t too traumatized.

Final review: 1/5 and I don’t really think I need to go into detail as to why.

Up next: Babe!

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#96- Moonstruck

Quick recap: Loretta Castorini is engaged to mild mannered Johnny and that’s cool and all until Ronny (played by Nicholas Cage) steps into the picture and she falls in love with him. Also, Loretta’s father is cheating on her mother and there’s a part about being cursed and then [insert every Italian stereotype here].

This might get weird.

Fun (?) fact: No one really wanted Nicholas Cage in the movie except for Cher, who threatened to walk out if he wasn’t hired.

My thoughts: Romantic Comedy. Two words that, when put together, can strike fear into any sane person. Add to that, Moonstruck is a romantic comedy starring Cher. I knew I was in for a rough night.

As mentioned above, this is the movie should’ve won some sort of Guinness World Record for most Italian stereotypes crammed into 90 minutes. When the characters weren’t making dramatic hand gestures or using a thick Italian accent, stereotypical Italian music could be heard in the background. Another fun fact: the original opening played the score from ‘La Boheme’, but testing audiences felt like they were being roped into an art house film and we wouldn’t want that, of course. So instead, the crew went in the opposite direction and chose ‘That’s Amore’ so that you wouldn’t forget your were watching a movie about an Italian-American family, even for a second.

That’s not to say I found anything wrong with being so heavy on the Italian references. I’m sure there were families all over the US that related perfectly to the characters, but it wasn’t something I was all that familiar with. Watching Moonstruck felt like taking one of those Buzzfeed quizzes that I stumble upon at 3 in the morning, unable to sleep. Could be something like, ‘Which English boarding school best describes your personality?’ or ‘How many of these indigenous beetles did you encounter in your trek across Africa in the 1930s?’ Either way, I felt left out.

As for the plot, it was a little confusing. Not confusing in the sense that it was hard to understand because come on, Nicholas Cage is one of the main actors. More confusing in its message. The film centers around Loretta cheating on Johnny with his brother Ronny. We are supposed to root for her, especially when she does the romantic comedy makeover trope. When Johnny comes over at the end of the film to break off his marriage, that is supposed to signal that they all lived happily ever after. That’s all well and good until you factor in Loretta’s father, Cosmo. He too is cheating, but this is a bad thing for some reason. Maybe because he has been married for so long? He and his wife don’t seem to get along very well and maybe he could’ve found true love, just like Loretta did with Ronny. The wife, Rose, also briefly considered a fling with a handsome professor but at the last minute backed off and went home to a man who’s feelings had obviously changed. It was more depressing than romantic or comedic at that point.

Final review: 2/5 I knew I was in trouble when I found myself fully relying on Nicholas Cage to get me through this movie. And he certainly did.

Up next: L’Age d’or

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