#201- Sideways

Quick recap: Two guys (friends?) go on the most depressing wine tour ever.

Don't be fooled. Everyone is miserable or will be miserable soon.

Don’t be fooled. Everyone is miserable or will be miserable soon.

Fun (?) fact: Most of the wine everyone drank in the movie was non-alcoholic. It tasted so bad and made everyone so sick that they had to drink the real stuff once in awhile to ‘cleanse their palate’.

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My thoughts: Wine is one of those things I wish I was a fan of, but have never been able to enjoy. I tried some back in college because I wanted to feel sophisticated but ended up using so much Fresca that it defeated the point. As an adult I think I have finally come to terms with the fact that I will most likely never enjoy wine and that’s ok. Still, there’s a part of me that becomes jealous when I see that a friend is touring Napa Valley or the wine region in Texas (That’s a thing. Didn’t know that until earlier this year). I envy people who get to do sophisticated things such as wine tasting, although spitting into a bucket is still a little weird. Do you know who I don’t envy? Miles and Jack from this movie.

Immediately after finishing Sideways, my first thought was, ‘ Gee, that was stupid’. My second thought was, ‘I wonder where I could watch Wings. That show was comedy gold!’. But eventually, my thoughts drifted back to the movie. The whole point (I think) had more to do with Miles’ character than anything else. He’s an unsuccessful writer depressed about his recent divorce. He and Jack (Thomas Haden Church) make for an unlikely pair, and I don’t mean that in a Felix and Oscar goofy sort of way. They seriously don’t fit together, and I think that’s what bothered me most about the film. I came into the movie thinking this was a sophisticated version of a bro comedy and instead I get a duo that seem entirely wrong for each other. If there is a bro to be found, it’s Jack who spends the week before getting married sleeping with whomever he feels like. He’s a slimeball, yes, but surely Miles already knew this? Why make himself miserable?

And so it is that question and (maybe) answer that made me appreciate and dare I say enjoy? (nope. I’ll stick with appreciate) Sideways. So as far as I can tell, Miles chooses to be miserable. He heads to his favorite place on earth with his idiot buddy, all the while knowing that Jack couldn’t care less about wine. He set himself up for failure and then got to mope around as a result. It isn’t until the end of the movie, as Miles sees that not only has his ex wife remarried but that she is also pregnant, that he has a moment of truth. I loved the scene of him in the fast food restaurant drinking his most expensive bottle of wine because that was his way of moving on. It was oddly beautiful. And the final scene with Miles knocking on Maya’s door essentially showed that he was free and maybe it was Jack all along who was really trapped. Mind blown.

Oh, Lowell, you've still got it.

Oh, Lowell, you’ve still got it.

Final review: 4/5. I was sitting at 2 but after spending a few days in thought, I decided to bump it up.

Up next: The Leopard , which I suspect is not actually about leopards. A girl can dream, though.

#176- The Umbrellas of Cherbourg

Quick recap: A young girl, Geneviéve, is in love with a guy, named Guy. He gets drafted to the war so the two decide to sleep together before he leaves. Geneviéve gets knocked up (of course) and after waiting a few months for Guy to write to her, gives up and marries some rich dude.

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Fun (?) fact: Every word of this movie is sung. EVERY. WORD.

The ridiculously bright colors did a number on my eyes

The ridiculously bright colors did a number on my eyes

My thoughts: Musicals have been hit or miss for me on this list and I fully expected this one to be in my ‘miss’ category by the end of the night. Every single word sung? COME ON. But actually, it had the effect of making the story more realistic. If you think about it, most musicals transition to singing and dancing with the most elaborate sets and then everyone goes back to what they are doing, as if it never happened. With The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, the film is one entire song and the same melody can be heard from beginning to end. At some point I forgot the singing was even there and was able to focus on the story and characters.

Speaking of umbrellas, this Glee mashup of Umbrella/Singin' in the Rain perfectly illustrates how over the top musicals can be.

Speaking of umbrellas, this Glee mashup of Umbrella/Singin’ in the Rain perfectly illustrates how over the top musicals can be.

After getting over my shock that this is a musical, my next shock came as I realized that I was watching a melodrama. COME ON. But as far as melodramas go, this one wasn’t so bad. In fact, it seemed almost….logical? No, most teenage girls wouldn’t marry a random rich guy after pledging their undying love for the man that knocked them up. But Geneviéve is in a different position, about to have to care for a newborn when her mother, the owner of the umbrella shop, can barely stay afloat. For survival’s sake, it makes sense to marry. Poor Guy, though. Apparently know one told him that his girlfriend had moved on and that he would never get to meet his child. Never fear, however, because Guy is ridiculously good looking and ends up with his late Aunt’s nurse. They marry and have a child of their own, a little boy named François. Years later, the two meet again, where Guy discovers that Geneviéve has also named her daughter François! The conversation is about as awkward as it gets and the two part, realizing that you can still be happy even if you aren’t with the one you planned on being with the rest of your life.

Final review: 3/5. It’s worth watching if you are a fan of musicals, especially ones that don’t have happy endings.

Up next: Louisiana Story

#168- The Adventures of Robin Hood

Quick recap: Robin Hood- that guy who stole from the rich to give to the poor and who also had an enormous tights budget, apparently.

Seriously, I rip my tights just trying to get them on. Either he was loaded and bought an endless supply or he was magical and never ripped them.

Seriously, I rip my tights just trying to get them on. Either he was loaded and bought an endless supply or he was magical and never ripped them.

Fun (?) fact: The sound of Robin’s arrow can be found in nearly all of the Star Wars films.

I too am a mere commoner! Watch as I put my hands on my hips and throw my head back for a hearty laugh!

I too am a mere commoner! Watch as I put my hands on my hips and throw my head back for a hearty laugh!

My thoughts: The Disney version of Robin Hood was a favorite of mine as a kid so it was neat to see where so many of the scenes came from and to appreciate how perfect the animals were for each role. Robin Hood is totally a fox! Bess is definitely a hen! This is normally where I would put up a picture as reference but even I was surprised by the amount of Furry pictures related to this movie.

Errol Flynn....IN TECHNICOLOR! I hope they just said this over and over again in the trailer, with an echo for added effect

Errol Flynn….IN TECHNICOLOR! I hope they just said this over and over again in the trailer, with an echo for added effect

The lore of Robin Hood has been around for centuries, proving that people always love a good hero story. After watching the movie, even I briefly considered learning how to sword fight because it looked so badass. Despite being made in 1938, I think the film could still have an impact on younger generations, if they would give it a chance. Youths, you know. The story is a bit more complicated than your typical adventure movie, but I think it still resonates.

Errol Flynn made for a great Robin Hood, and I loved how amused he seemed by everything, even when he was captured at the archery tournament. From what I have seen in these early adventure films (The Thief of Bagdad comes to mind), heroes didn’t take themselves too seriously, despite knowing that they were fighting evil. I can see how the story of Robin Hood could’ve been a dark one, and there is plenty implied in this version about the suffering of the Saxons, but I prefer something a little more lighthearted.

The few drawbacks from the film were little things, like the weird accents that faded into different nationalities and the use of TECHNICOLOR. I love color as much as the next guy, but this was a bit overkill. When it is called TECHNICOLOR though, I wouldn’t expect any less.

Final review: 4/5.

Up next: The Day the Earth Stood Still

#161- Top Gun

Quick recap: Maverick may be one of the best Naval pilots, but he still has a lot to learn when it comes to teamwork, love, and riding into the Danger Zone.

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Fun (?) fact: Lots to choose from, but my favorite is that Val Kilmer didn’t want to make this movie at all but was bound by contractual obligations. Val Kilmer just seems like the kind of person that talks about himself in the third person which makes this tidbit much funnier than it probably is.

'Val Kilmer will only do this project if he can play a game of volleyball with his shirt off.' 'ok, Mr. Kilmer but I don't know what that has to do with Top Gun' 'Val Kilmer doesn't care. Bring Val Kilmer a sandwich.'

‘Val Kilmer will only do this project if he can play a game of volleyball with his shirt off.’
‘ok, Mr. Kilmer but I don’t know what that has to do with Top Gun’
‘Val Kilmer doesn’t care. Bring Val Kilmer a sandwich.’

My thoughts: No, I have never seen Top Gun until I watched it a few nights ago. There are many reasons for this, the main one being that anything mechanical (trains, planes, automobiles) or technical bores me. So it was quite unexpected that I found myself really enjoying the film and imagining that if I were made to watch it again someday, I wouldn’t mind. I don’t think you could get a better endorsement from me, honestly.

What’s interesting about this is how much I enjoyed the movie when there were so many things wrong with it. The acting is one of its biggest flaws. So help me, if I see Tom Cruise flexing his jaw muscles ONE MORE TIME I might just lose it. His performance was 15% boasting, 2% honest feelings and 83% jaw flexing. And of course Val Kilmer’s character Iceman didn’t fare any better. I never really understood why he chose to engage Maverick (Tom Cruise) so much when he was clearly a superior pilot. Maybe it was to show that there was some depth to the character but it just made him come off as a jerk, even in the sincere scenes.

And yet, I'm still drawn to him.

And yet, I’m still drawn to him.

And then we come to the love story, which, even though it was a big part of the movie, never seemed to really belong there. First of all, there was no chemistry between Charlie and Maverick and second, the timeline of him coming over to her house and the next day falling in love was ridiculous. Also, Maverick was a jerk the entire time. Charlie was an astrophysicist and was treated like she didn’t know the first thing about planes. At no point did he apologize and in fact, she saw it as charming. Gross.

The plot itself was flimsy at best, but I still got into it. I think what draws me to Top Gun is how unabashedly American it is. It’s no wonder recruitment into the Navy skyrocketed after this film was sent to theaters. The ending where Maverick regains his confidence and saves the world wasn’t a surprise by any stretch of the imagination, and I loved how comforting it all felt, like a big warm hug from the 1980s.

Final review: Screw it, let’s go for a 4/5. Also, this is one of the ultimate ‘bromance’ movies. It’s like Terms of Endearment for guys.

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Up next: Princess Mononoke