Tag Archives: 2/5

#177-Louisiana Story

Quick recap: A sweet story about a young Cajun boy who loves hunting alligator, his pet raccoon, and Big Oil.

I want a raccoon.

I want need a raccoon.

Fun (?) fact: Director Robert Flaherty used local actors for Louisiana Story, which confused many people into thinking this was a documentary.

That's a pocket of salt the boy has dangling from his belt. supposedly to throw at monsters. Sounds legit.

That’s a pocket of salt the boy has dangling from his belt. supposedly to throw at monsters. Sounds legit.

My thoughts: If this had been a movie about a Cajun child and his adventures on the bayous, I probably would’ve enjoyed it more than I actually did. Although, as a side note, most summaries referred to the boy as having an ‘idyllic’ life, which is true if you think ‘idyllic’ means being in constant fear of getting eaten by gators.

The story about the oil derrick being set up outside the family’s house just didn’t make sense with the rest of the movie. Most of the time it felt like I was watching one of those old Disney nature films (you know, the one where they would purposefully throw lemmings off the cliff), but then the scene would switch to oil with the happy music still in place and it was confusing. In 2015, a story about Big Oil will most certainly end in tragedy, but in this movie the tragedy never came and everyone lived happily ever after.

The reason for this is because Louisiana Story was funded by the Standard Oil company with ‘no strings attached’, but I could practically see strings dangling from every aspect of this film. It is essentially a propaganda film. The movie takes great pains to show that no part of nature was harmed, and that the family ended up prospering because of the lease they signed. In reality, that’s just not something that happens and I’m curious if people back then bought the lie. It became downright creepy, all the scenes of the oil workers staring at the simple Cajun boy and him smiling back. A whole 5 minutes is devoted to this at the end of the film, with everyone waving stupidly to each other and staring longingly into each other’s eyes. Why don’t you just marry Big Oil, Cajun boy?

Final review: 2/5. The only saving grace is that darn raccoon, who has more sense than anyone else in this film.

Up next: Shadow of a Doubt

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#167- The Jazz Singer

Quick recap: The son of a well respected Jewish Cantor, Jakie Rabinowitz, is expected to follow in his family’s footsteps. Instead he becomes a jazz singer because that’s how you rebelled in the 1920s.

it's the Black Face that ultimately won his parents over.

it’s the Black Face that ultimately won his parents over.

Fun (?) fact: Although The Jazz Singer was the first movie with audible dialogue, it did not mean that movie studios stopped making silent films. The technology was still really expensive at the time, often doubling the budget of a film.

the episode 'Like Father, Like Clown' is an homage to 'The Jazz Singer'

the episode ‘Like Father, Like Clown’ is an homage to ‘The Jazz Singer’

My thoughts: The Jazz Singer is one of those movies I know is important and yet before last night, I didn’t know anything about it except that it had sound and was about a jazz singer. Never in a million years would I have predicted it would be about the battle between tradition and the modern Jewish family because it seemed like a light hearted, fluffy comedy musical.

Starting with the positive, I thought the story was sweet overall with the father finally coming around and welcoming his son back into the family before dying, although he never actually told his son that. Small details, I suppose. Moving on, I also appreciated the pace of the movie since silent films have a history of dragging on during certain times. The audio can only be heard in a couple of scenes along with the singing and it surprised me how excited I got when sound was introduced. I of course have grown up with ‘talkies’ as have most people alive today, and yet there is something special about witnessing something for the first time, like people in the 20s did.

What I didn’t love about The Jazz Singer is Al Jolson. I realize he is ‘the jazz guy’ and deserves to be the main character, but the dude creeped me out. First of all, the movie ages him from a cute 9 or 10 year old boy to a man in his late 40s who looks like he has been cooped up in the morgue for the past 20 years embalming dead people. At no time did I see Jolson as cute or sexy or anything other than ‘creepy undertaker’.

jazz-singer

The whole ‘blackface’ thing was also more racist than I imagined, if that were even possible. The movie is about a minority (the Jewish people) and how they come to terms with tradition versus modern times. And Jakie, played by Jolson has this revelation that he needs to be ‘true to my race’ as he is in blackface! The end of the movie is supposed to be sweet as Jakie’s mother is in the audience and her son sings a song about her (‘Mammy’, seriously). All I could think about is that maybe Jakie’s father had a point and he should’ve stayed a Cantor instead.

NOPE. Now he just looks like a racist creepy undertaker.

NOPE. Now he just looks like a racist creepy undertaker.

Final review: 2/5. Yay for historical importance but the rest of the movie is a little ridiculous.

Up next: The Adventures of Robin Hood

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#156- Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Quick recap:  Sex. Lies. Videotape. Andie MacDowell’s sickingly sweet southern accent.

That’s pretty much it.

oh, and James Spader's flowing locks. Can't forget those.

oh, and James Spader’s flowing locks. Can’t forget those.

Fun (?) fact: Andie MacDowell wasn’t even considered for awhile because her last movie was called Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes.

Actually, I'd totally watch this. That ape looks like he is throwing down some mad wisdom.

Actually, I’d totally watch this. That ape looks like he is throwing down some mad wisdom.

My thoughts: Andie MacDowell has been in 3 movies on my list so far: Groundhog Day (I liked her alright), The Player (Meh.), and Four Weddings and a Funeral (NOPE.). Let’s see where she lands after this review!

First of all, the SEX. John is sleeping with Ann’s sister, Cynthia, and although I never saw the actual sex, I got to see them panting and sweating afterwards. So I assume it was good? Could also be because they live in Louisiana and if you’ve ever been there, you know that you sweat from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep. And then continue to sweat in your sleep. But anyways, the sex. Graham (played by James Spader) is not having any sex because he is impotent (caused by lies. More on that later.) so instead he just films girls talking about sex and then gets off. There were a few scenes where he is laying around naked and the way he looked made me wander if he maybe killed all these girls because that would be a great premise. I’ll end with a picture of a naked Peter Gallagher, covered by a potted plant. Do girls go for that?

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Now for the LIES. John is lying to his wife Ann and so is her sister and Graham kind of does too. It’s not really hard to see why Ann is in therapy because she is surrounded by horrible people. Well, I suppose Graham isn’t too bad because he used to be a pathological liar, but that made him impotent (is that a thing? I think he maybe should’ve gone to a doctor instead of diagnosing himself). I can’t think of any lies Ann told but she is so bland I’m not really sure what she would make up, except maybe saying she vacuumed a room when she didn’t. Moving on.

Finally, the VIDEOTAPE. So, this movie is one of those that wouldn’t exist if the internet had been around. Basically, Graham has a ‘fetish’ for videotaping women talking about sex. Yeah. Buddy, I don’t think you know what ‘fetish’ means. Throw in an octopus and clown shoes and now we’ve got something, but talking about sex? That’s just normal. In the end, he and Ann get together which is perfect because they are the most bland people on earth. What’s that you say? ‘but Graham wears black! He’s brooding! He’s complicated!’. No he’s not. He’s a guy who has trouble with intimacy so he watches bland porn. That’s it.

Final review: 2/5. I would’ve given it a 3 but I took off a point because Graham never had lemons for his iced tea. Savage.

I'm judging too, Andie MacDowell.

I’m judging too, Andie MacDowell.

Up next: Swing Time

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#150- The Player

Quick recap: Griffin Mill is a Hollywood studio executive who is sent death threats from an unknown writer he passed over for a script. Being the jerk that he is, the suspects are endless.

2014-06-04

Fun (?) fact: None of the celebrity cameos were written into the script. Basically, they just showed up, improvised their lines and got put in the film. Julia Roberts, among others, did her cameo for free.

Player2

My thoughts: Oh, Robert Altman, why must you toy so with my emotions? First, you bring me The Long Goodbye, arguably one of my favorite finds on this list but then you disappoint me so deeply with Nashville. My wounds are still healing from that heartbreak. When I saw that The Player was filled to the top with celebrities, my heart sank once again and I longed for the wit that was Elliott Gould.

The beginning of The Player was a hot mess, even more than Nashville with its 30 plus subplots. It was filmed in one long take with actors galore discussing ‘Hollywood’ stuff, most of which went too fast for me to get. It wasn’t until about 10 minutes into the movie that I realized Tim Robbins was the main character. In fact, for at least 2/3 of the film it’s easy to get lost in the sea of characters and to forget that there really is a plot. Most of the time it just felt like Altman was bragging about all of the cool friends he has.

Tim Robbins’ performance was perfect and I’m a little surprised why so many people look to Shawshank Redemption as his best, when it is clearly this movie. No one can play asshole quite like he can. I enjoyed seeing him slip further and further into the role of slimy Hollywood studio executive until he was completely gone.

The only saving grace for this film came from the most unlikeliest of places: Lyle Lovett. Yes, THAT Lyle Lovett.

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He wasn’t onscreen too often, but when he did appear, I loved every minute. I should note here that The Player is considered a comedy, a fact I find most surprising since I didn’t find much to laugh at. I think part of the issue is that the comedy relies  so heavily on the cameos, most of which I either didn’t recognize or care about. It kind of reminded me of watching Golden Girls as a kid. Most of the references were so specific to the time period in which the show took place that it took away from the hilarity a bit. Lyle Lovett, however, kept me interested until the very end. Someone should make a movie starring just him in this role. I’d pay good money to see that.

Final review: 2/5. I get the larger theme that this is a parody of what goes on in Hollywood, but since I’m not a studio executive, the humor was lost on me.

Up next: a Ferris Bueller Quote-A-Long at the Drafthouse!

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