#161- Top Gun

Quick recap: Maverick may be one of the best Naval pilots, but he still has a lot to learn when it comes to teamwork, love, and riding into the Danger Zone.

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Fun (?) fact: Lots to choose from, but my favorite is that Val Kilmer didn’t want to make this movie at all but was bound by contractual obligations. Val Kilmer just seems like the kind of person that talks about himself in the third person which makes this tidbit much funnier than it probably is.

'Val Kilmer will only do this project if he can play a game of volleyball with his shirt off.' 'ok, Mr. Kilmer but I don't know what that has to do with Top Gun' 'Val Kilmer doesn't care. Bring Val Kilmer a sandwich.'

‘Val Kilmer will only do this project if he can play a game of volleyball with his shirt off.’
‘ok, Mr. Kilmer but I don’t know what that has to do with Top Gun’
‘Val Kilmer doesn’t care. Bring Val Kilmer a sandwich.’

My thoughts: No, I have never seen Top Gun until I watched it a few nights ago. There are many reasons for this, the main one being that anything mechanical (trains, planes, automobiles) or technical bores me. So it was quite unexpected that I found myself really enjoying the film and imagining that if I were made to watch it again someday, I wouldn’t mind. I don’t think you could get a better endorsement from me, honestly.

What’s interesting about this is how much I enjoyed the movie when there were so many things wrong with it. The acting is one of its biggest flaws. So help me, if I see Tom Cruise flexing his jaw muscles ONE MORE TIME I might just lose it. His performance was 15% boasting, 2% honest feelings and 83% jaw flexing. And of course Val Kilmer’s character Iceman didn’t fare any better. I never really understood why he chose to engage Maverick (Tom Cruise) so much when he was clearly a superior pilot. Maybe it was to show that there was some depth to the character but it just made him come off as a jerk, even in the sincere scenes.

And yet, I'm still drawn to him.

And yet, I’m still drawn to him.

And then we come to the love story, which, even though it was a big part of the movie, never seemed to really belong there. First of all, there was no chemistry between Charlie and Maverick and second, the timeline of him coming over to her house and the next day falling in love was ridiculous. Also, Maverick was a jerk the entire time. Charlie was an astrophysicist and was treated like she didn’t know the first thing about planes. At no point did he apologize and in fact, she saw it as charming. Gross.

The plot itself was flimsy at best, but I still got into it. I think what draws me to Top Gun is how unabashedly American it is. It’s no wonder recruitment into the Navy skyrocketed after this film was sent to theaters. The ending where Maverick regains his confidence and saves the world wasn’t a surprise by any stretch of the imagination, and I loved how comforting it all felt, like a big warm hug from the 1980s.

Final review: Screw it, let’s go for a 4/5. Also, this is one of the ultimate ‘bromance’ movies. It’s like Terms of Endearment for guys.

Mav-and-Goose

Up next: Princess Mononoke

#156- Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Quick recap:  Sex. Lies. Videotape. Andie MacDowell’s sickingly sweet southern accent.

That’s pretty much it.

oh, and James Spader's flowing locks. Can't forget those.

oh, and James Spader’s flowing locks. Can’t forget those.

Fun (?) fact: Andie MacDowell wasn’t even considered for awhile because her last movie was called Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes.

Actually, I'd totally watch this. That ape looks like he is throwing down some mad wisdom.

Actually, I’d totally watch this. That ape looks like he is throwing down some mad wisdom.

My thoughts: Andie MacDowell has been in 3 movies on my list so far: Groundhog Day (I liked her alright), The Player (Meh.), and Four Weddings and a Funeral (NOPE.). Let’s see where she lands after this review!

First of all, the SEX. John is sleeping with Ann’s sister, Cynthia, and although I never saw the actual sex, I got to see them panting and sweating afterwards. So I assume it was good? Could also be because they live in Louisiana and if you’ve ever been there, you know that you sweat from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep. And then continue to sweat in your sleep. But anyways, the sex. Graham (played by James Spader) is not having any sex because he is impotent (caused by lies. More on that later.) so instead he just films girls talking about sex and then gets off. There were a few scenes where he is laying around naked and the way he looked made me wander if he maybe killed all these girls because that would be a great premise. I’ll end with a picture of a naked Peter Gallagher, covered by a potted plant. Do girls go for that?

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Now for the LIES. John is lying to his wife Ann and so is her sister and Graham kind of does too. It’s not really hard to see why Ann is in therapy because she is surrounded by horrible people. Well, I suppose Graham isn’t too bad because he used to be a pathological liar, but that made him impotent (is that a thing? I think he maybe should’ve gone to a doctor instead of diagnosing himself). I can’t think of any lies Ann told but she is so bland I’m not really sure what she would make up, except maybe saying she vacuumed a room when she didn’t. Moving on.

Finally, the VIDEOTAPE. So, this movie is one of those that wouldn’t exist if the internet had been around. Basically, Graham has a ‘fetish’ for videotaping women talking about sex. Yeah. Buddy, I don’t think you know what ‘fetish’ means. Throw in an octopus and clown shoes and now we’ve got something, but talking about sex? That’s just normal. In the end, he and Ann get together which is perfect because they are the most bland people on earth. What’s that you say? ‘but Graham wears black! He’s brooding! He’s complicated!’. No he’s not. He’s a guy who has trouble with intimacy so he watches bland porn. That’s it.

Final review: 2/5. I would’ve given it a 3 but I took off a point because Graham never had lemons for his iced tea. Savage.

I'm judging too, Andie MacDowell.

I’m judging too, Andie MacDowell.

Up next: Swing Time

#154- The Terminator

Quick recap: A cyborg, played by the former governor of California (what a country!), travels back to the 1980s to assassinate Sarah Connor, whose unborn son will one day secure a victory against the machines and save humanity.

The Terminator also murders Bill Paxton, so he can't be all that bad.

The Terminator also murders Bill Paxton, so he can’t be all that bad.

Fun (?) fact: O.J. Simpson was considered for the title role, but producers felt that he was ‘too nice’.

I for one welcome our new cyborg overlords

I for one welcome our new cyborg overlords

My thoughts: I have never seen The Terminator before ,although it is one of those movies that is so iconic it felt like I’ve watched it dozens of times. I tend to reject movies that have been gendered into ‘guy movies’ and ‘ girl movies’ because I feel it alienates people that might otherwise enjoy something if it hadn’t been labeled as such.

On the other hand, The Terminator is totally a ‘guy movie’. Not that there is anything wrong with that, of course. I am not a guy and I still enjoyed it, although the action sequences were a little too violent for my taste. I was very interested in the dystopian future (FYI 14 years from now) and also trying to figure out the whole time travel thing. Kyle Reese is from the future to protect Sarah Connor so that she may one day give birth to John Connor, the humanity’s savior. But he also travels back in time because he is totally in love with her and subsequently, they conceive the baby. Everything becomes all wibbly wobbly timey wimey at this point and it hurt my brain to think about it too much.

I think what impressed me most about The Terminator were the special effects. If I hadn’t been watching this with my husband, who apparently knows this movie very well,I would’ve missed most of this stuff because, it being 2015, I sometimes forget that computers haven’t always been around. The scene where the terminator takes out his eye is both gross and awesome.

I lost focus towards the end because it became more of a ‘just die, already’ sort of thing, with the terminator having been reduced to nothing more than a metal skeleton. It sort of reminded me of the black night in Monty Python, which was probably not what the director was going for.

'tis but a scratch

’tis but a scratch

Final review: 3/5. I get bored by constant gunfights, but I’m hoping the sequel will be better.

Up next: The House is Black

#151- Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Quick recap: A teen, one month shy of graduation comes down with a severe illness and must miss a day of school. The entire town rallies around him to show their support in this heartwarming tale.

Actually, it's about a kid who skips school and has the best day ever. What did you think this was going to be about?

Actually, it’s about a kid who skips school and has the best day ever. What did you think this was going to be about?

Fun (?) fact: John Hughes offered the role of the car attendant to Bill Paxton, but he turned it down because it was too small. As a result, Hughes never offered him a role again, making him my hero.

ferris-bueller-car-o

My thoughts: This is one of my favorite movies, and getting to watch it at the Alamo Drafthouse made me love it even more. This particular showing was a Quote-Along, which made me realize I quote this movie more often than I thought. I know how popular Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is,but getting to watch it with other die hard fans made me glad to see so many people with good taste. I’ve always* said that you can judge a person based on their favorite John Hughs film and that of course rings especially true for me.

* always meaning the other night before falling asleep because that's when I have my most profound thoughts

* always meaning the other night before falling asleep because that’s when I have my most profound thoughts

Ferris Bueller is as hilarious as it was when I watched it back in high school. I think the moments between Grace and Rooney are my favorites but every scene makes me laugh. Matthew Broderick as Ferris is wonderful on his own, but it’s his interactions with Cameron (played by Alan Ruck) that I love the most. Even though Ruck was like, 30, he plays the part of ‘awkward teen’ perfectly. He and Ferris are every guy friend I had back in school, proof that Hughes is the king of all things ‘American teen’.

I love this movie not just as a comedy, but also as a guide to the kind of life I want to live. It’s easy to get bogged down in all the daily stress I have, but watching Ferris Bueller reminds me not to take it so seriously all of the time. Live a little. Get out there and have an adventure. Talk your best friend into taking his dad’s Ferrari and then spend a day doing everything you have ever wanted. Sounds like perfect advice to me.

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Final review: 5/5. I may or may not be calling in sick to work soon.

 Up next: The Life of Emile Zola