Tag Archives: 3/5

#283- Eyes Without a Face

Quick recap: After a horrific accident, a father goes out of his way to try and repair his daughter’s face. It sounds like the sweetest story ever, until it is revealed he is murdering young women and stealing their faces.

there's a face that'll keep you up at night

there’s a face that’ll keep you up at night

Fun (?) fact: In order to get financial backing for the movie, director Georges Franju was advised to leave out the animal torture scenes (to not offend the English), massive amounts of blood (to not offend the French) and a mad-scientist character (to not offend the Germans).

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My thoughts: Many of the horror films I’ve watched from other countries do a nice job of building up suspense long after the movie is over. Except for Funny Games, which traumatized me from the very beginning. Eyes Without a Face is no exception. I thought it slow moving while I watched, but there were enough creepy scenes to keep me somewhat occupied. After the movie was over, however, I couldn’t get the image of the girl out of my head and it has stuck with me since then.

Unsettling is the best word I could use to describe the movie. There was never anything downright scary, but instead several scenes that unsettled me. The surgery scene, for example, as the doctor removed the girl’s face to transplant it on to his daughter’s. It was gruesome, but not terrifying. And the final scene when the doctor gets what’s coming to him was also gross but not scary. All the scenes in between, though, especially anything to do with the main character and her Mask of Gloom bothered me. She was very sweet and didn’t ask for any of this, but why did she have to look so creepy with the long, flowing night gowns? And whoever decided that the mask was an improvement over her disfigured face was out of their mind.

As has been the unofficial theme of HorrorFest this year, I had trouble trying to figure out exactly what I was supposed to fear. The doctor was evil, murdering pretty girls just for their faces, but that didn’t particularly scare me. Or maybe it was the girl herself, who, as I just described, creeped me out, but only because of the mask,not because of who she was. I’m appreciative that my knowledge of the horror genre has increased, but it also makes me a little sad that it’s harder to find good movies that just scare me, without any rhyme or reason. Maybe one will pop up here next year, because this year has been a bit of a dud.

Final review: 3/5. The girl wasn’t enough for a higher rating, although the movie itself wasn’t bad overall

Up next: the last film of HorrorFest!

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#278- The Fly

Quick recap: National treasure Jeff Goldblum plays Sam Brundle, an eccentric scientist who accidentally turns himself into a human-fly hybrid.

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Fun (?) fact: In a deleted scene, Brundle fuses together a cat and baboon and is so disgusted with the creation that he  beats the animal to death with a pipe. Producer Stuart Cornfeld said, ‘If you beat an animal to death, even a monkey-cat, your audience is not gonna be interested in your problems anymore.’

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National treasure, you guys

My thoughts: I’ve made some really bad choices when it comes to guys I’ve dated, but at the very least I can say I’ve never fallen for an eccentric scientist who fuses his DNA with a fly and then impregnates me with his Maybe Fly Spawn. I’m a mess, but not Geena Davis in The Fly kind of a mess. So, there’s that inspiration.

I was warned by my husband that his movie was super gross and I should maybe rethink watching it. Boy, was he right! It didn’t start off disgusting, and I got kind of bored after awhile with the build up. But then, there was a scene where Brundle peeled off his fingernails and I almost lost it. It all went downhill from there. The Fly didn’t terrify me, but it stuck with me in a way most movies won’t. Even now, almost a week after watching it, I’ll randomly think of the scene where Brundle vomits on his food to liquify it and it will make me queasy. In that sense, The Fly is a perfect example of a horror film.

Vincent Price, who was in the original Fly loved the remake but thought it went a little too far at the end. Totally agreed. I think a good stopping point would’ve been the nightmare of giving birth to the Fly Spawn or when BrundleFly detailed how he ate his food. But all that stuff of him trying to kill the ex-boyfriend and then fusing himself with the teleporter was just over the top for me. I still felt sorry for him in a way, kind of, but I would’ve had no problems killing that mess at the end. And can we talk for just a second about Geena Davis’ character, Veronica? That girl has issues. She dated a jerk of a guy and then immediately fell for this eccentric weirdo. I mean, I guess he was cute, but him drunkenly teleporting himself because he was jealous would’ve been it for me. But not for Veronica. She kept coming by, even when he had completely turned insane and terrifying. She couldn’t have seen this coming but geez, girl, get some standards.

The Cronenberg Universe in Rick and Morty makes so much more sense now

The Cronenberg Universe in Rick and Morty makes so much more sense now

Final review: 3/5. I wavered on this one, almost giving it a 4 but I’ll be too scarred to eat donuts for quite awhile.

Up next: HORRORFEST

 

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#276- Lola Montés

Quick recap: Lola Montés is based off the real life dancer and courtesan Lola Montez. The film jumps through several points of Montés’ life from her rise to fame, her various lovers and her sad ending as a spectacle at the circus.

 

 

reminds me of a certain courtesan who danced at the Moulin Rouge

reminds me of a certain courtesan who danced at the Moulin Rouge

Fun (?) fact: Back in 1955, audiences didn’t like that the movie jumped around chronologically so it was re-edited so that events were shown in order. Audiences liked that even less and the movie initially bombed at the box office, thus proving that this is why we can’t have nice things.

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My thoughts: Here’s a great ‘Yo Momma’ joke: ‘Yo Momma’s so easy that she became a sideshow freak because she slept with so many guys!’ Okay, that might not be a GREAT joke, but this is the 1800s we are talking about, so work with me on this. Lola Montés is a beautiful film about a disgraced woman who ends up in the circus, which is kind of a crazy place to end up. But it’s also kind of motivating? Like, I’ve done some stupid things in my life but I haven’t been made to join the circus yet so I’m at least doing something right.

For about 75% of the movie, I was convinced that this was one of the greatest films I have ever seen. There was so much symbolism and so many great metaphors about double standards for women. When men sleep around, they are considered heroes but when women do it, they are freaks. There’s a scene at the end of the film where men can pay a dollar to kiss the hand of such a sleazy woman. It’s beautifully tragic to see her standing there, behind bars as men stand in line for the chance to touch her. But at some point, I realized that no, this is literally about a woman who sleeps with rich white guys and joins the circus because she can’t find anyone to take care of her anymore. Still sad, but no longer tragic when it’s a literal circus and not a metaphorical one.

As beautiful as the colors and costumes were, the acting left a lot to be desired. Martine Carol, who played Montés, was the perfect fit for the role but at the same time she didn’t really do much except sit there and look pretty or sad. I think it’s why I didn’t go full force in feeling sorry for her. And the guys she hooked up with were certainly rich and very white, but I didn’t get that there was much going on in the relationship besides sex. Which is basically what a courtesan is,I suppose. Or maybe it’s just the bias I have towards another tragic courtesan who learned that the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

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Final review: 3/5. Not bad, but also meh.

Up next: HORRORFEST

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#269- The Princess Bride

Quick recap: A classic fairy tale- kings, queens, knights, pirates and Billy Crystal.

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Fun (?) fact: Cary Elwes, who played Westley, later continued his stunning career by playing the villain in Twister. Yes, there was a villain. No, it wasn’t the tornado. OR WAS IT?

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Jonas! Why didn’t you just listen to Bill Paxton? WHYYYYY??

My thoughts: Before I start the review, let me make a couple of points: 1 being that I didn’t watch The Princess Bride until I was an adult and 2 yes I do have a sense of humor and anyways, my mom thinks I’m hilarious so isn’t that all that really matters in the end?

As you probably already guessed, I didn’t really care for this movie. It’s not to say I didn’t like it or that I thought it wasn’t very good. I mostly just don’t get the cult following it has. The local Alamo Drafthouse does Princess Bride quote-alongs often, at almost the same frequency as Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which is just downright silly to me. I was entertained but not to the point that I would watch this 20 times in a row and then squeal with delight every time someone made a reference to the movie.

I truly feel like I’m being unfair to this movie, having only seen it as a jaded, cold-hearted adult. My six year old loved it, so to me, The Princess Bride did its job. He cracks up every time he hears the ‘My name is Inigo Montoya’ quote and it’s not hard for me to imagine him one day growing up and watching a midnight screening at a local movie theater to bring back all those good childhood memories. As for me? I thought it was a sweet movie and creative, and yes, even funny sometimes, but ultimately, a little out of my age range. Sorry.

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Final review: 3/5

Up next: Happiness

 

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