#225-Closely Watched Trains

Quick recap:  A young man wants to lose his virginity but his inadequacy to perform is an issue. And also Hitler. Hitler ruins everything.

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Not sure why the girls weren’t all over him 😦

Fun (?)fact: According to IMDb, “Iva Janzurová turned down the part of Zdenicka Svatá, eventually played by Jitka Zelenohorská.”

MIND. BLOWN.

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This stamp scene. Oh my.

My thoughts: I thought France’s portrayal of teenagers took the ‘wtf’ cake, what with their sexual fluidity and sleeping with their mothers, but NO, Czechoslovakia has to burst in and ruin the whole thing for everyone. This is why we can’t have nice things, you guys.

Although the setting and characters are a little odd (Milos is an apprentice train conductor during World War II), the story itself is very relatable. Basically, Milos wants to get laid and even has a girl (Masa) who practically strips every time she sees him, but he doesn’t really want to make the effort to go through with it. Instead, he spends his time lamenting over how horrible life is, which is actually pretty accurate for teens these days. When he finally gets the chance to sleep with Masa, he orgasms early and both of them treat it like the world has just ended and Milos might as well go kill himself for sucking so badly. Which he does. But then a doctor tells him that premature ejaculation isn’t a big deal and he needs a ‘more experienced woman’ to help him out. As dramatic as Milos was (he definitely would’ve fit in at Degrassi), I liked him and wanted him to reach his goal. He does finally find a woman to help him out and everything is groovy. Masa even returns and forgives him and wants to try and sleep with him again.  Happy ending, right? And all totally relatable up until the point that Milos gets shot dead by Germans and his body carried off on a train, which subsequently explodes.

So, besides the ending, most of the movie was pretty funny. The other people working at the train station are bumbling idiots that try to help Milos by giving him advice, but who ultimately fail to fix anything. There was one scene where a conductor and receptionist have an encounter, where he ends up stamping her butt with official seals. The next morning the girl’s mother finds the stamps and parades her around town, showing her butt to anyone who will pay attention. She is angry that her daughter has been taken advantage of, but the girl loves the attention and finds the whole situation hilarious. For a movie that ends so tragically, I think it still holds up as a rather accurate portrayal of teenage life, if just a little dramatic.

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Final review: 4/5

Up next: Amadeus

 

#223- A Christmas Story

Quick recap: A young boy wants a BB gun for Christmas and this is his story. A Christmas story, if you will.

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Me, most days

Fun (?) fact: The raunchy comedy Porky’s is the reason we have A Christmas Story. Bob Clark directed both and the success he got from Porky’s allowed him to venture into the world of holiday movies.

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Me, most days

My thoughts: Merry holidays to you and welcome to a SPECIAL EDITION of my blog. I never do timely reviews, except for that whole month of timely reviews I do in October. And all those times I reviewed war movies during American holidays. But this is legit timely, so let’s get on with it.

So, yes, I have seen A Christmas Story many times (I’m not a monster), but my husband hasn’t (probably not a monster, but this doesn’t help his case).He grew up in a more sentimental setting, whereas I’m not a ‘Christmas’ person at all- I don’t watch holiday movies, I don’t do Elf on the Shelf, and I don’t decorate the house. Really, A Christmas Story is about the only movie I can stomach, which is about a good of a review that I could possibly give it.

It’s really difficult to pin down whether this is a ‘good’ movie or just a better movie than what else is out there. It’s been a few years since I have seen it and I was a little worried that it wouldn’t hold up like I wanted it to. A few minutes in, however, I realized there was nothing to worry about. Many of the scenes that everyone loves- the lamp, Randy eating like a pig, the bunny suit- are legitimately funny, and even my husband laughed so we can stay married for now. I was also relieved that the film never dips into schmaltz or sentimentality. There are sweet scenes, but nothing that made me roll my eyes.

I think the reason I gravitate towards A Christmas Story is because it is closer to real life than other holiday films. Ralphie’s family isn’t perfect by a long shot and they aren’t in search of holiday spirit or a Christmas miracle. It’s a simple story about a kid that really wants something for Christmas and then gets it. I can get behind that.

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Me, most days

Final review: 4/5 because I can’t bring myself to give a Christmas film a perfect score.

Up next: 8 1/2

 

#215- Juliet of the Spirits

Quick recap: Juliet discovers that her husband has been unfaithful and goes on a journey of self-discovery to gain the courage to leave him.

It was an odd journey, to say the least

It was an odd journey, to say the least

Fun (?) fact: Director Federico Fellini claims to have taken LSD in preparation for the film.

I would've been more shocked had Fellini had instead admitted to not using any drugs prior to directing this film

I would’ve been more shocked had Fellini instead admitted to not using any drugs prior to directing this film

My thoughts: Most women who find they have been cheated on choose to blast girl anthem songs while throwing their man’s things out the door. Not Juliet. She instead turns to mediums, New Age psychoanalysts, sex workers and her own twisted hallucinations for comfort and guidance. At least, I think she did. Juliet of the Spirits was filled with so many symbols and metaphors I wasn’t sure what I was watching most of the time. It sure was pretty, though.

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But seriously, this film is gorgeous on so many levels. There are scenes that are so colorful that it practically hurts your eyes and scenes where there are just a couple of colors. All of it is beautiful. When I think of the 60s, I think of a lot of yellows, pinks, browns, and oranges and this film had those colors, but the movie still looks timeless. I wouldn’t go so far to say that it could be mistaken for a modern film, but it definitely does not feel dated, color-wise.

The New Age-y stuff in the film didn’t make much sense because it’s not something I am familiar with, but it did make me curious what rich Italians did back in the 60s. Because according to this film they held séances, made up games where they psychoanalyzed each other, and went down slides after crazy sex. I’m not really sure how all of this helped Juliet, but by the end of the film I think she figured out that she needed to leave her husband. Actually, I’m not even sure that happened. Throughout the film, Juliet has visions of herself as a young child, strapped to a bed of pretend fire. In the end, she crawls through a door in her bedroom and frees the little girl. The two hug and then suddenly it’s daylight and Juliet looks happy. I’ll take a wild guess and say the ending had something to do with freeing herself from the restraints of religion, but I’m not even sure about that.

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Final review: 4/5. I think I liked this movie?

Up next: A Woman Under the Influence

#206- Zero for Conduct

Quick recap: 4 boys in a strict boarding school make a plan to attack the adults and bring revolution.

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Fun (?) fact: Not so much ‘fun’, but ‘inevitable’: immediately after its release, it was banned completely until 1946.

now look what you've done!

now look what you’ve done!

My thoughts: As a teacher, I’ve become used to the various complaints and insults directed at me by kids. Hate homework? I get it, but you still have to do it. I’m making you work too hard and now your hand hurts? got it, don’t care. Eat your shorts? Whatever, Bart Simpson. Children hating school is a fact of life, and movies depicting this is pretty standard. But Zero for Conduct is in its own realm of absurdity and anarchy, and I’m still not quite sure what I watched.

Before you read any further, If…. was directly inspired by Zero for Conduct and although I don’t think they improved on anything, it’s still an interesting companion to this film.

The first scenes of the film were a little underwhelming, since I was expecting full anarchy from the get-go. Instead, the story starts with two boys in a train car, on their way to boarding school. It was kind of like Harry Potter, but without the magic and happiness. The boys start pulling toys out of their jackets to impress each other, like feathers and balloons. It’s silly and made me wonder what counted as ‘bad behavior’ back then, because if this is it, then all those people who say, ‘back in my day, kids didn’t act like they do today’, are quite correct. And really, throughout the entire movie, I didn’t see anything too scandalous from the boys or even from the administration and teachers. In one scene, a couple of boys are roughhousing and the prefect (NOT a Weasley), makes them stand at the foot of the bed for awhile. It was weird, but I wouldn’t call it cruel or abusive. Many of the scenes involved the boys being made to work, which of course they don’t want to do and so they decide to start a war during their school’s Commemoration Day ceremony. I read in many places that the school was very strict and rigid, which I guess was true, but that’s what I thought boarding schools were about. The only thing objectionable I saw was that the boys were made to eat beans everyday, so….probably not worth a battle.

Up yours, children!

Up yours, children!

I guess the confusing part (just like If….) was that I didn’t know who to sympathize with. The boys were annoying and, well…..boyish. There was bathroom humor and smoking and roughhousing, which didn’t endear them to me. The school itself didn’t invoke much sympathy, either. The adults all had something weird going on, like one who did handstands in class and then the president who was a little person. I guess it was just all very weird. And the war itself ended up being all of the boys locking themselves in an attic and refusing to participate, while the four main boys threw random things at the adults. Revolution indeed, children.

Now, that's some high level tomfoolery I can get behind!

Now, that’s some high level tomfoolery I can get behind!

Final review: 2/5. Did I mention it was a French film? Probably not a surprise, given its absurdity.

Up next: Hoop Dreams